Day 5

11:25

Get up. Write a couple of e-mails. Sit down with a cup of tea. Can I write another twelve pages of script today? At the moment, I'm feeling pretty confident.

18:00

Three hours writing, 1,200 words written, the most dispiriting day so far. Nothing is working. Nothing is clicking. Everything lies there, wooden. Nothing seems convincing. Why the fuck are any of these guys doing this stuff?

I'm finding this very difficult. I think I'll take a short break.

00:15

Got to the first big plot twist. Stopping now, with the unsure feeling about whether I should maybe keep on going - but something is telling me this is the right time to stop. Then, I can get a feeling for this new part of the story from its beginning, tomorrow.

But I look at it, and I'm scared that people are going to read this plot-point and just laugh - say, 'This is absolute bullshit'. However, I've come to think this feeling of fear is actually a good sign - it's pushing something. You're scared because it's different. And different nearly always attracts attention.

I've realised today that there's an incredible fluidity in the amount of fun or hardship you can feel from one half-hour to another when you write. I've always had this - though it's far more apparent, and seemingly predictable, when you write day to day:

At the beginning of each morning (or in my case, early afternoon or mid-evening), I'm looking forwards to starting work. Half-way through the day, I hate the story, what I've written, everything I'm doing. At the end of the day, it has all seemed to be a piece of cake. Mission accomplished - I feel fantastic. I wake up the next day full of gusto. Then I start, and within fifteen minutes I hate it again.

Is this normal? Am I more of a psychopath than I think? Or is this just a daily moodswing - a tidal force in the creative chambers. I hope with a little experience, I can start to temper it.

And on that edifying note, I'm going to bed.

word count: 2689
hours writing: 5.5