Day 50

13:30

I've reached day 50! Woo-hoo!

Got to re-find my mojo: lost it over the last seven days. Got a few things to do, but determined to put my four hours in today, and to make my word limit.

00:00

Well, I've got two hours in so far, but not much else.

You might have noticed through my shorter blog-posts and less effusive writing style that I'm finding it pretty difficult at the moment. I'm not enjoying this story: I don't feel like I know the characters well enough, or that anything is moving forwards for any other reason than I wrote out a plot list and am now trying to follow it. It takes so God-damned long to write, too: 3-5 pages a day, endless time spent over each and every line of mealy-mouthed dialogue.

I can look back on this week and, honestly, the biggest break I've had creatively all week was when I worked out a new way to defrost our refrigerator.

I have to finish this screenplay: not finishing it is making me miserable. But after finishing this - however long that takes - I'm going to have to re-evaluate what I do next.

I'm going to continue writing, just as hard, the same number of words every day: but I might have to stretch out the length of time I take to research and then write the screenplays, or pepper them with shorter projects. I really don't want to: but I'm finding it incredibly depressing trying to force myself to write something that just isn't good enough, because it hasn't been mulled over, because each situation hasn't been fully investigated before it's written.

Man, if only I'd been born an inimitable genius. That was the only flaw in the whole of my otherwise reasonable plan for 2009: that you'd have to be a fucking genius or a complete moron to be able to pull off twelve feature screenplays a year.

Maybe next year my resolution should be along the lines of, 'I want to create nuclear fusion using items I've bought from the supermarket', 'a Symphony a week', or 'I'll write a Novel a day!'

Come to think of it, I shouldn't call this blog, 'Resolution': I should call it, 'Cosmo Wallace: Over-reaching Douchebag Extraordinaire'.

But I could spend another hour writing sorry-for-myself shit on here. I've still got two hours of writing to do on this horrible, horrible script.

I've started talking to my script when I sit down to write it. Almost always, what I say is:

"Come on then, you fucker."

Writing this script is like having a knife-fight with your own mind.

03:30

Okay, made my lousy word count for the day. And wrote about eleven pages, including an interminable fight sequence that goes on for about nine pages.

Still, for only the second time in a week, I wrote over 2,000 words, which is good - since that's what I'm trying to do every day.

Got to get up earlier tomorrow because I'm meeting someone before midday. Before midday! Ridiculous.

Hopefully tomorrow I'll be able to knock another ten pages of this son of a bitch on the head. We'll see.

word count: 2,676
hours writing: 4.5