Day 52

23:45

I haven't done very much in the last twenty-four hours.

I spent a long time working on the short film, but it just wouldn't work. I've worked on one shot for something like ten hours now: this shot lasts for eight fucking seconds. There doesn't seem to be any way around it: either you spend eight hours to make your tiny pissy shot look barely acceptable, or you don't, and it looks terrible. The fucker is really becoming the bane of my existence. I have to find a way to speed this up: I just have to.

I can't help but feel disappointed in myself at the moment. I'm really finding it impossible to achieve anything, no matter how many hours I put in.

I'll sit down now and try to write something out.

04:00

Well, it's been a tough three hours. I'm finding it very difficult to write this screenplay: I know I've put down 'difficult' here many times already in just 50 days. What I mean to say is that, for some reason, I feel absolutely no inspiration - in fact, a constant kind of boredom - trying to pound this script out. It's a deeply depressing feeling that's almost impossible to shake off: the feeling that, with less than half of this script written, it's just not any good. I can either prolong the agony by looking back through it and spending weeks trying to improve the first half, or I can force myself through it so at least I can say, 'I finished a draft'.

It's difficult to work out what to do. All I can say that it feels really bad.

Well, I knew it wasn't going to be easy when I started this. I just didn't know how perpetually disappointed I would feel with myself and my abilities.

Still, there's always tomorrow.

word count: 1,086
hours writing: 3